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  • Writer's pictureLickety Glitz

Indolence, thy name is Lickety.

Updated: May 16, 2021

Stage 8: Caregiver Recovery is one step forward, five hundred light years back.


Crap.

Outer space.

Again.


In case you've been wondering where Stumped Town Dementia's been lately I'll tell 'ya it takes a lot of time and effort to indulge in all the bad habits I've been courting. My dance card has been full damn near every night with saying "No!" to moderation, and "Come here, you sexy, sexy beast..." to gluttony.


After announcing last month that "I'M CHANGING MY LIFE!" I have had some success. For instance, I've finished four books since Mom died! That may not seem like much of an accomplishment but as I've been a voracious reader my entire life and then dropped it completely the last two years, it is progress on the path to finding myself again.


And I have hatched a new dementia caper, one that makes me tingle all over with excitement and fear!

That too is familiar territory for my former self. I've always dug abject terror mixed with the thrill of jumping off metaphorical cliffs.


But as I've made progress to reacquaint myself with myself, I've also reinforced roadblocks to stop me in my tracks; the drinking, smoking, non-stop eating, and the listlessness that accompanies such hobbies drags at me physically and mentally.


I have had little to no luck in denying myself anything as of late, whether it's laying in bed until 2 o'clock in the afternoon, or opening one more bottle of wine at 3 in the morning.

I've also been lonely. I'm thrilled that The Boyfriend in the Basement and I have our lives back, but I look around at times and think to myself, "Where'd everybody go?" This house was brimming with life while amongst death. People to share the day with, enjoy, annoy, and be annoyed by - at times I miss it all.


Lucky for me The Other Girl was also feeling solitary last week and invited me to come stay with her at the coast for the night.


Honestly, I could not get there fast enough.


As different as we are I've missed her. I've missed talking and laughing with the one person who understands what this journey has meant to us, given to us, taken from us.


We caught up on each others lives, talked about how we've coped with Stage 8, discovered that both of us don't often miss Mom but are still grieving Dad's accelerated departure from our lives 5 years ago.

I don't know if that sentiment makes sense to too many other folks, but for me I gave Mom everything I had to make her journey easier - I don't miss her because there was nothing else Mom or I could do for each other. I miss Dad because I was too late to provide him the same support - my need to have been there for him will always remain unfulfilled.


My sister understood, citing how she missed Dad's ability to "fix" everything, and how that occasionally irritating but always loving part of him is so needed now.


I woke up the next morning feeling alive again. Capable. Stronger (if not exactly strong... I mean, I still had a hangover - don't wanna go changing things too quickly).


I was a few light years ahead of where I was when I got there and that has given me a boost of courage to move a few more steps forward.


I started a cleanse today. One that will plop me on the road of shedding a pound or two while keeping me away from wine for the next five days. I am diving into the new dementia project, making plans, solving problems, and filled with hope that it will have a positive impact on the lives of people living with dementia and those of us who care for them. I am taking on Stage 8, determined to succeed in my recovery.


Space be damned. It's time to find that Lickety who was formerly planted firmly on this planet. How else am I gonna show the heaven's how it's done?


The daughters of Gary and Gloria.

Finding their way back.

Best get out of their way.


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16 Comments


nkvaughn
May 18, 2021

So, so glad you've plotted a course through Stage 8. I, too, am working my way through. And, like you, started checking myself at the door after being just a bit too self-indulgent lo these many months. Already seeing results, slow though they are to appear, which helps me keep going. I'm reconnecting with friends, the greater world at large, continuing an ongoing litany of house projects and even picked up reading again. Things are a little too nuts right now to actually binge read, but I see that as a future activity. Look forward to seeing your Stage 8 adventure unfold. There is still a ways to go, but I think I can catch an occasional glimpse of Stage 9.

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Lickety Glitz
Lickety Glitz
May 21, 2021
Replying to

Stage 9! Crap! Does it ever end? 😜

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d9394093908
May 17, 2021

You have such a unique voice, a tremendously sensitive understanding of the weight of this curse-blessing. I think the world is really ready for your story, we want your perspective. Write that book / screenplay / musical. There are so many of us who resonated to your tune. I can't wait to see what you create because it's obvious to me you are humming, vibrating, brimming over with an understanding we want to spend time with.

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Lickety Glitz
Lickety Glitz
May 17, 2021
Replying to

d939, you are my favorite commenter EVER! The others now mean NOTHING TO ME! (Don't tell 'em I said so.)


Okay, for reals, you just boosted my excitement about this dementia project that I don't want to reveal at this time, but your message made me say to myself "I'm not crazy, there really is an audience for this." And that, my friend made my night.


Even if us dementia caregivers are a small audience, we def deserve to have our story told. I hope to do us all justice.

xoxo,

lickety

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Lickety Glitz
Lickety Glitz
May 10, 2021

You too, Danila, as you plot your caregiver course, wherever you are in the journey!

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debmike82
May 09, 2021

Just sending you and your sis, hugs, encouragement for new paths, and love, because you’ve lightened my world, in a way that is tough to put into words. I cry, and laugh and say “oh yes, dammit, I feel that, too”, and most of all your honesty has been so helpful to me. Both my parents have dementia, I’m the oldest of four very different daughters, and it has been hard. They’re at home, and we take care of them. I love them so much, but dementia and all its intense emotional challenges, has to be talked about honestly, and that can be hard. Please take take of yourself, but I think you are aware of what you need to…

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Lickety Glitz
Lickety Glitz
May 10, 2021
Replying to

"Ornery" was a trait my parents and extended family held in high esteem, deb, as do I. Which is probably one of the ways you have connected to and trusted in our story - you recognize a bunch of fellow troublemakers when you see 'em!


My sister and I have been awesome and rotten to each other at different parts of the journey (if you haven't read the Welcome to Monsterland post check it out: https://www.stumpedtowndementia.com/post/dementia_monsterland ) but we have always trusted that the other had Mom's best interest at heart. It's hard for us as two sisters, I imagine the four of you can sometimes be a handful to work it out! I wish you all deep respect for…


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Connie Johnson
Connie Johnson
May 09, 2021

I can only hope that the Gods are smiling today and give you a little nudge as you consider your options...to me it is the most obvious choice...but then I am a bit selfish in my opinion of YOUR selection!! Do what you have been doing and continue to be me/our lifeline to sanity in the Caregiver's world!! You have been the difference between me crying myself to sleep at night and laying my head down with a soft sigh knowing tomorrow is another day and everything's going to be okay!! For these last two weeks I have sat at the front window, heavy chest, sipping tea wondering if I could do it another year, month, day, even hour! Then…

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Lickety Glitz
Lickety Glitz
May 10, 2021
Replying to

Man, Connie, I know, and probably every other reader of your comment knows exactly what you mean. The dreaded "I can't do this anymore!" days, that somehow we just keep doing! I found those days helped me figure out how to do it better, even if that meant getting away from Mom more so I could be more when I was with her.


Thank you for my letter of recommendation. I'm going to send it out with all my online applications, and tell 'em you better hire me or answer to Connie!


I hope you had a wonderful day. Your words made mine pretty awesome.

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