A personal blog...

...chronicling the dementia adventures of...

...Girl and

The Other Girl...

...sharing hilarious and 

heartbreaking moments

of life...


...with our mom who has vascular dementia.


Let It Be

There is still a light that shines from her. Less spark in her eyes. More monotony in her expressions. She looks older, stooped. Too thin, too thin. Her perception is rarely in the world of the living now. It straddles the here and the hereafter, spending most of its time in the latter. And, for the first time in this journey, I have seen moments in our time together where her life is no longer worth living. I am terrified of her tarrying too long in this final stage. As she hollows out I take it in. What dementia has her discarding darkens my spirit with opposing fears that churn and swirl within me; will this continuation of decline last months/years? Or is the misery of a too-soon future

Driveway Dementia

Some people do drive-bys. We do driveways. Not as lethal, but capable of the same chaos! I'm worried about how long Mom has left among us (worried in both directions, mind you). If our time is short, there will be so many of Mom's loved ones who will regret not having seen her one last time. So, COVID be damned, last month, we began doing driveway visits with friends and relatives. Masked up and ready for trouble (well, I'm masked and Mom's packing the trouble), we set off south on I-5 for our first foray into driveway sojourns. We started with Ron and Sherry, a couple who Mom and Dad camped with, partied with, bemoaned their children with, and spent a life-time with. (Ron was best man at th

Advocacy! Shmadvocacy!

A minuscule act to try and save the (dementia) world. Even if Mom isn't super thrilled with going a'visiting I am deeply grateful that we have the opportunity to haul her butt around the northwest while so many of you are struggling, separated by COVID from your dementia loved ones. So I poked around to see if I could find some hope to offer you... On June 26, the California Department of Public Health released a new policy regarding visitation that, for the first time since March, REQUIRES nursing homes to permit visitors for outdoor and indoor visits. There's rules-of-engagement hoops to jump through, but things are turning around! I came across this AARP article: Status of Nursing Home

All the smells.

And a very odiferous day to you too, sir! After tucking Mom in bed last Friday, I was relaxing on the back porch, basking in the receding colors of the sunset, with a glass of wine on one side and a loyal dog on the other. The peace of the night was suddenly shattered by a rapid-fire, high-pitched clamor emanating from a previously sleepy-eyed Barnaby Bones as he barreled head first into a hydrangea bush at the far corner of the yard. Before I had time to give a loud roar of admonishment, Mr. Bones came racing back, his enraged bark now carrying a distinctively shrill note of "What the hell?" in its tone. Barnaby Bones had met his first skunk. Or what he likes to call... The WORST cat ever!

And in other news...

I can not stop eating. I can not stop smoking. I can not stop drinking. And in other news, my mother is dying. I do not know who I am anymore. One thousand, four hundred, and sixty days of dementia claw at me. Things I held true about myself ripped to shreds. And in other news, my mother is dying. I do not sleep. I lay awake reviewing the day's failures. I lay awake reviewing the world's failures. And in other news, my mother is dying. And nobody talks anymore. We just spit hate and rage at each other. People sling their pain at strangers in hope of some relief. And in other news, my mother is dying. Does this torment end in my grave? Does it end in hers? Does it end when no one is left to w

Dementia T-Shirts Part II:

The Caregiver Collection Way back in Stumped Town Dementia's humble beginnings, I had the idea that we all needed Dementia T-Shirts, dementia awareness raising attire that sported some of the wild words our dementia folks spit at us in moments of nothing that resembles love. It never really took off for a couple of reasons: a) most of our readers back then were me, and b) it really is a terrible idea. But as I've built my entire existence on one terrible idea after another, I figure I'll continue to stumble ahead stupidly with the same strategy. My favorite in the previous Dementia T-Shirt collection is still... Here's the tender (i.e. venomous) moment that produced this quote. But now that

Stumped Town Dementia

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Alzheimer's Society UK

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The Caregiver Space

September 2018

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